Life as a Mute

Hey Everyone,

In case you weren't sure, let me reveal a shocking revelation: being a mute sucks.

Just as with anything new, the initial stage of getting used to major adjustments is always the hardest. My family and I are constantly trying to find ways to involve me in conversation, allow me to share my ideas in conversation, and minimize the logistical awkwardness that conversations with a mute require.

Some things we've tried, and how they are super awkward

1) I text, you talk

This doesn't work very well. Firstly, the person talking to me instinctively tries to text back the answer. This leads to a very shallow (and slow) conversation. Second, I'm a very slow texter, and somehow, whenever I'm in a rush to get a message across, my phone has a different idea. Furthermore, my mother (bless her heart), is SO BAD at remembering to bring her phone anywhere, and unlike kids of my generation, she doesn't have a sixth sense about when her phone is ringing. This means she'll pick up her phone and see three very unrelated points from me, all of which made sense in context, none of which make sense now. Pronouns are annoying to type every single time.

In groups, this also means phones are passed around, causing a scene that looks like passing notes in middle school. The comment is generally intended to be a comment for everyone to hear, but for some strange reason, no one reads the message out loud. Instead, each person asks for permission to see the phone, then sees it and reacts separately.

The worst part of this mode of conversation is that EVERYTHING I SAY IS ON THE RECORD. For those of you know me well, you know how problematic this is for me. My sense of humor is crude  I make snarky comments all the time, and I say things that are beyond politically incorrect way more often than any person should. Not anymore.

2) I write things down on sheets of paper, you talk

This also doesn't work. First, my handwriting is terrible. Second, handwriting is slow (although, interestingly, faster than texting). Third, by the time I've written down my "full" point, the conversation has moved on. I can't communicate nuance, can't stress different words to make a point, and worst of all, I simply don't want to write out full paragraphs all the time.

When people try to read my message out loud, generally, they misrepresent what I'm trying to say anyways, and then I get even more frustrated that I can't communicate what I want to say.

3) I acknowledge that I will not be able to participate in conversation, so I sit and listen

To most people, this is normal. For me, though, it's super annoying, especially when listening to my parents and their friends have conversations about my generation and the ways in which we view the world. It is INFURIATING to listen to them incorrectly talk about what we use facebook for, how we look at current events, what we want, etc. Political conversations get even worse, when comments are made that require a response from someone that did not grow up in the 1960s. I can't make those in time.

If people want to know why I often prefer to remove myself from conversations than stay and listen to them, this is often why. I am working on this.

Ways to Make a Mute Really Uncomfortable 

This section is mean, because everyone I interact with is trying really hard to make this difficult situation less sucky. Each person has great intentions, sincerely cares about me, and has no interest in making me feel uncomfortable. Having said that, I'm going to rip on them anyways.

1) "Hey, I know you can't talk so don't answer, but...?"

• Always make sure the question is not a yes or no question
• Always make sure that the topic of the question requires miming so bizarre that it will have to be repeated
• Stress that you know I can't talk to you. The more times you mention I'm a mute, the better this tactic works

2) When I hand you a note written on a piece of paper, ask for a pen so you can write back your answer

• Even though it is instinct to respond to a note with a note, you can still talk. DO IT.
• You'd be SHOCKED at how often this happens

3) Every time you use an expression that uses the words "hear," "scream,""talk,"or other speech related verbs to refer to communication, apologize for making me feel uncomfortable.

•  This situation is already uncomfortable enough that pointing out the awkwardness really doesn't help
• I know what you mean
• I CAN SCREAM TOO...or not

Life Could Be Way Worse

Being a mute, I am constantly reminded of how much worse life could be. I can't yet go to the gym and run my problems away (breathing hard still aggravates my vocal cords), but I can walk. I have so many forums through which to communicate with people, so I am not stuck as a total hermit. I have a family that loves me and supports me. During this difficult time, I have the luxury of not needing to work--I have the luxury of recovering. I have amazing communities, Jewish and not, pulling for me, keeping me in their thoughts, and praying for a speedy recovery (Shoutouts to Temples Beth Abraham and Beth Israel, and CMC). 

Most importantly, I can still eat. So long as I can eat, I'm totally fine.