Hey Everyone,
It's been exactly two weeks since having surgery, and my voice is well on it's way to recovery. Here's a recording: https://soundcloud.com/beccarosenthal/two-weeks-after-surgery.
Last week, I was able to talk for about five minutes an hour, which interestingly, is way harder than being a total mute. Going cold turkey on vocal use is way easier than trying to use my voice in a very minimal fashion. Think about it in terms of food, going from one of those crazy vegan only juice cleanses to weight watchers. I only drank fruit juice for a week--now I have access to an entire chocolate cake--but my voice could only handle a tiny crumb an hour.
I'm now up to 10-15 minutes of vocal use an hour. Because my vocal cords are still stiff from surgery, this week is about continuing to find the balance between using my voice (move my vocal cords) enough to help them loosen up and not too much swell and stiffen.
In my diet analogy, it means I can have a small slice of cake every hour, and since I can go to the gym again, I'm all for it!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
I Have A Voice!
Hey Everyone!
I am excited to tell you all that as of today (June 4), I am allowed to speak again. It sounds like death, but don't let me tell you - check it out for yourself.
https://soundcloud.com/beccarosenthal/my-voice-june-4-2013*
Here's why it sounds so bad: it's been a week since my vocal cords have moved, and just as any other muscle would be, they are quite stiff. Consequently, starting slowly, my goal for the next week or two is to loosen up my vocal cords, primarily by singing sustained ooooos, eeeeeeees, and mmmmms on the few notes at which my vocal cords vibrate properly. Because my voice hasn't been used in a week (not to mention my vocal cords were chopped up in a surgery a week ago), it gets tired very quickly, so I can't do this for more than 5ish minutes an hour.
I still can't do phone calls or talk over anything that makes pretty much any noise (noise pollution is a very real thing), but I can make short little recordings of me rambling, so I guess I'm making progress.
Til next time,
Becca
*I have a way funnier recording of my voice too, and if you text me, I'll send it to you.
I am excited to tell you all that as of today (June 4), I am allowed to speak again. It sounds like death, but don't let me tell you - check it out for yourself.
https://soundcloud.com/beccarosenthal/my-voice-june-4-2013*
Here's why it sounds so bad: it's been a week since my vocal cords have moved, and just as any other muscle would be, they are quite stiff. Consequently, starting slowly, my goal for the next week or two is to loosen up my vocal cords, primarily by singing sustained ooooos, eeeeeeees, and mmmmms on the few notes at which my vocal cords vibrate properly. Because my voice hasn't been used in a week (not to mention my vocal cords were chopped up in a surgery a week ago), it gets tired very quickly, so I can't do this for more than 5ish minutes an hour.
I still can't do phone calls or talk over anything that makes pretty much any noise (noise pollution is a very real thing), but I can make short little recordings of me rambling, so I guess I'm making progress.
Til next time,
Becca
*I have a way funnier recording of my voice too, and if you text me, I'll send it to you.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Things That Hurt A Mute's Ego
Hey Everyone,
I want to shed some light on the hardest part of this journey: my severely bruised ego. For those of you who know me, my ego can get pretty big, and I agree that it needs to be put in check. But this process is cruel.
1) Every time the phone rings, I want to cry.
I don't have to explain why this is depressing. You should know.
2) I can't breathe hard, so I can't work out.
A few weeks ago, I was in Vallejo, trying out for the Collegiate All American Rugby Team. Now, I can't walk for more than 15 minutes on a treadmill at 2.0 without my throat being aggravated. This should change in a few weeks, but in the meantime, I'm going crazy.
3) Typing/handwriting do not accommodate the speed of conversation.
I've given up on communicating complex ideas. it is too complicated, and typing or writing pronouns takes too long. Whatever I write will not be interpreted correctly, so I may as well not write it.
Luckily, today is my last full day of being a mute, and starting tomorrow, I get to speak for roughly 5 minutes per hour. This will be more difficult than this week, seeing as going cold turkey is easier than moderation. Progress is progress, though, and I have to try to stay positive.
Thanks for the support, and anything you got that can help unbruise my very bruised ego would be awesome (desserts delivered to my house always work).
Becca
I want to shed some light on the hardest part of this journey: my severely bruised ego. For those of you who know me, my ego can get pretty big, and I agree that it needs to be put in check. But this process is cruel.
1) Every time the phone rings, I want to cry.
I don't have to explain why this is depressing. You should know.
2) I can't breathe hard, so I can't work out.
A few weeks ago, I was in Vallejo, trying out for the Collegiate All American Rugby Team. Now, I can't walk for more than 15 minutes on a treadmill at 2.0 without my throat being aggravated. This should change in a few weeks, but in the meantime, I'm going crazy.
3) Typing/handwriting do not accommodate the speed of conversation.
I've given up on communicating complex ideas. it is too complicated, and typing or writing pronouns takes too long. Whatever I write will not be interpreted correctly, so I may as well not write it.
Luckily, today is my last full day of being a mute, and starting tomorrow, I get to speak for roughly 5 minutes per hour. This will be more difficult than this week, seeing as going cold turkey is easier than moderation. Progress is progress, though, and I have to try to stay positive.
Thanks for the support, and anything you got that can help unbruise my very bruised ego would be awesome (desserts delivered to my house always work).
Becca
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Life as a Mute
Hey Everyone,
In case you weren't sure, let me reveal a shocking revelation: being a mute sucks.
Just as with anything new, the initial stage of getting used to major adjustments is always the hardest. My family and I are constantly trying to find ways to involve me in conversation, allow me to share my ideas in conversation, and minimize the logistical awkwardness that conversations with a mute require.
Some things we've tried, and how they are super awkward
1) I text, you talk
This doesn't work very well. Firstly, the person talking to me instinctively tries to text back the answer. This leads to a very shallow (and slow) conversation. Second, I'm a very slow texter, and somehow, whenever I'm in a rush to get a message across, my phone has a different idea. Furthermore, my mother (bless her heart), is SO BAD at remembering to bring her phone anywhere, and unlike kids of my generation, she doesn't have a sixth sense about when her phone is ringing. This means she'll pick up her phone and see three very unrelated points from me, all of which made sense in context, none of which make sense now. Pronouns are annoying to type every single time.
In groups, this also means phones are passed around, causing a scene that looks like passing notes in middle school. The comment is generally intended to be a comment for everyone to hear, but for some strange reason, no one reads the message out loud. Instead, each person asks for permission to see the phone, then sees it and reacts separately.
The worst part of this mode of conversation is that EVERYTHING I SAY IS ON THE RECORD. For those of you know me well, you know how problematic this is for me. My sense of humor is crude I make snarky comments all the time, and I say things that are beyond politically incorrect way more often than any person should. Not anymore.
2) I write things down on sheets of paper, you talk
This also doesn't work. First, my handwriting is terrible. Second, handwriting is slow (although, interestingly, faster than texting). Third, by the time I've written down my "full" point, the conversation has moved on. I can't communicate nuance, can't stress different words to make a point, and worst of all, I simply don't want to write out full paragraphs all the time.
When people try to read my message out loud, generally, they misrepresent what I'm trying to say anyways, and then I get even more frustrated that I can't communicate what I want to say.
3) I acknowledge that I will not be able to participate in conversation, so I sit and listen
To most people, this is normal. For me, though, it's super annoying, especially when listening to my parents and their friends have conversations about my generation and the ways in which we view the world. It is INFURIATING to listen to them incorrectly talk about what we use facebook for, how we look at current events, what we want, etc. Political conversations get even worse, when comments are made that require a response from someone that did not grow up in the 1960s. I can't make those in time.
If people want to know why I often prefer to remove myself from conversations than stay and listen to them, this is often why. I am working on this.
Ways to Make a Mute Really Uncomfortable
This section is mean, because everyone I interact with is trying really hard to make this difficult situation less sucky. Each person has great intentions, sincerely cares about me, and has no interest in making me feel uncomfortable. Having said that, I'm going to rip on them anyways.
1) "Hey, I know you can't talk so don't answer, but...?"
In case you weren't sure, let me reveal a shocking revelation: being a mute sucks.
Just as with anything new, the initial stage of getting used to major adjustments is always the hardest. My family and I are constantly trying to find ways to involve me in conversation, allow me to share my ideas in conversation, and minimize the logistical awkwardness that conversations with a mute require.
Some things we've tried, and how they are super awkward
1) I text, you talk
This doesn't work very well. Firstly, the person talking to me instinctively tries to text back the answer. This leads to a very shallow (and slow) conversation. Second, I'm a very slow texter, and somehow, whenever I'm in a rush to get a message across, my phone has a different idea. Furthermore, my mother (bless her heart), is SO BAD at remembering to bring her phone anywhere, and unlike kids of my generation, she doesn't have a sixth sense about when her phone is ringing. This means she'll pick up her phone and see three very unrelated points from me, all of which made sense in context, none of which make sense now. Pronouns are annoying to type every single time.
In groups, this also means phones are passed around, causing a scene that looks like passing notes in middle school. The comment is generally intended to be a comment for everyone to hear, but for some strange reason, no one reads the message out loud. Instead, each person asks for permission to see the phone, then sees it and reacts separately.
The worst part of this mode of conversation is that EVERYTHING I SAY IS ON THE RECORD. For those of you know me well, you know how problematic this is for me. My sense of humor is crude I make snarky comments all the time, and I say things that are beyond politically incorrect way more often than any person should. Not anymore.
2) I write things down on sheets of paper, you talk
This also doesn't work. First, my handwriting is terrible. Second, handwriting is slow (although, interestingly, faster than texting). Third, by the time I've written down my "full" point, the conversation has moved on. I can't communicate nuance, can't stress different words to make a point, and worst of all, I simply don't want to write out full paragraphs all the time.
When people try to read my message out loud, generally, they misrepresent what I'm trying to say anyways, and then I get even more frustrated that I can't communicate what I want to say.
3) I acknowledge that I will not be able to participate in conversation, so I sit and listen
To most people, this is normal. For me, though, it's super annoying, especially when listening to my parents and their friends have conversations about my generation and the ways in which we view the world. It is INFURIATING to listen to them incorrectly talk about what we use facebook for, how we look at current events, what we want, etc. Political conversations get even worse, when comments are made that require a response from someone that did not grow up in the 1960s. I can't make those in time.
If people want to know why I often prefer to remove myself from conversations than stay and listen to them, this is often why. I am working on this.
Ways to Make a Mute Really Uncomfortable
This section is mean, because everyone I interact with is trying really hard to make this difficult situation less sucky. Each person has great intentions, sincerely cares about me, and has no interest in making me feel uncomfortable. Having said that, I'm going to rip on them anyways.
1) "Hey, I know you can't talk so don't answer, but...?"
- Always make sure the question is not a yes or no question
- Always make sure that the topic of the question requires miming so bizarre that it will have to be repeated
- Stress that you know I can't talk to you. The more times you mention I'm a mute, the better this tactic works
2) When I hand you a note written on a piece of paper, ask for a pen so you can write back your answer
- Even though it is instinct to respond to a note with a note, you can still talk. DO IT.
- You'd be SHOCKED at how often this happens
3) Every time you use an expression that uses the words "hear," "scream,""talk,"or other speech related verbs to refer to communication, apologize for making me feel uncomfortable.
- This situation is already uncomfortable enough that pointing out the awkwardness really doesn't help
- I know what you mean
- I CAN SCREAM TOO...or not
Life Could Be Way Worse
Being a mute, I am constantly reminded of how much worse life could be. I can't yet go to the gym and run my problems away (breathing hard still aggravates my vocal cords), but I can walk. I have so many forums through which to communicate with people, so I am not stuck as a total hermit. I have a family that loves me and supports me. During this difficult time, I have the luxury of not needing to work--I have the luxury of recovering. I have amazing communities, Jewish and not, pulling for me, keeping me in their thoughts, and praying for a speedy recovery (Shoutouts to Temples Beth Abraham and Beth Israel, and CMC).
Most importantly, I can still eat. So long as I can eat, I'm totally fine.
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